Carmelia Ray is an Author, Speaker, Television Personality, Celebrity Matchmaker and Canada’s most sought after Certified Dating Coach and Online Dating Expert.
With over 25 years of experience and a passion and dedication to matchmaking, Carmelia has established herself as the go-to authority for finding singles their true love. In her career, she has helped over 7,000 clients and interviewed over 65,000 singles in North America discussing real life dating and relationship challenges including where to find, meet and connect with the right one.
Her expertise has been featured in several notable media outlets including AskMen, Variety, Global News, Cupid’s Pulse, The Marilyn Denis Show, CHCH News, ELLE, Playback, Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, OK! Magazine and so much more. Most recently, she made a guest appearance in the popular franchise series The Real Housewives of Toronto. Carmelia is also the author of her e-Book, Find The One: Your A-Z Guide to Attracting and Keeping Your Soul Mate, which includes tips and secrets to achieving one’s goal of meeting the right person. With her experience, knowledge, and influence, Carmelia has become an in demand brand ambassador and has partnered with major companies on several campaigns including Match.com, Lava Life and Instant Chemistry, among others.
Currently, Carmelia stars in the second season of the hit award-winning television series Mom vs Matchmaker airing on Myx TV and broadcast in over 72 countries. The show focuses on finding the perfect match for millennials and in each episode, Carmelia challenges the mothers of the contestants in finding a suitable date for their kid. Each will set up a date in the hopes that their pick will be chosen. The singles find out at the end of the episode who prepared which date. The show was recently picked up for a third season starring Carmelia once again and is set to air in 2018.
Carmelia is also a co-host at iDate, the world’s largest trade show and business conference for the social networking and matchmaker industry. The conference is attended by owners, senior executives and leaders in the online dating and matchmaking market globally. In 2015, she received the prestigious iDate Award nomination for Best Dating Coach
Today, Carmelia continues to inspire singles from all walks of life. As the country’s leading matchmaker, she remains committed to helping eligible singles around the world change their love lives for the better and find their one true match.
We had an opportunity to chat with Carmelia. Check out the interview below and get some dating tips!
Hi, Carmelia! Congrats on your third season of “Mom vs Matchmaker”! The dating scene is a challenge to navigate. Now, millennials have the technology to tell them who is the best choice. What are your thoughts?
There are pros and cons to using technology as a way of choosing a partner nowadays Millennials are faced with. For starters, it’s tough to decide which dating site or dating app is best for Millennials when there’s so much to choose from. Modern dating apps and dating sites all have high tech algorithms to suggest the best possible matches on their sites and Millennials find it challenging to determine who’s sincere on the sites and how to filter for true compatibility. They tend to get frustrated when they meet people in real life, who aren’t who they say they are. It’s also generally tough for singles to accurately describe themselves which is why they’ll turn to a dating coach or matchmaker to help them with their search.
What do you consider the perfect match?
The perfect match is someone who shares all your key core compatibilities whom you have a mutual attraction for. When you can find someone, who shares your common interests, lifestyles, values, and goals, this makes a great foundation for a great relationship. When you add strong attraction and chemistry to the mix, it’s a recipe for the “perfect match.”
Do you have any advice for parents who are thinking of finding a match for their child?
Parents who are thinking of finding a match for their child should sit down with them and truly get know them on a personal level. On my show, I’ve discovered that some moms and kids don’t even talk about relationships. How could you think of finding a match for your child when you don’t know who your child wants? You should learn about your child’s likes and dislikes. You should also have some idea of their past relationships to learn more about their choices in partners and if there’s a pattern of relationships that are not working for the child. A lot of parents tend to choose someone THEY think is right for their child, without taking into consideration their child’s own personal preferences.
Do you have a funny dating story to share?
Many years ago, I worked with a very large dating company that had over 15 offices across Canada. We had a man in Edmonton, Alberta who was a truck driver that interviewed with one of our relationship consultants. He shared he was a cross dresser and wanted anyone we matched him with to know this. It was the first time we had come across that request and thought it would be challenging. We do not discriminate and always do our best for our clients. I was happy to hear that we had successfully matched him with someone wonderful and who was clearly O.K with his lifestyle choice. Other times we have unknowingly matched ex-boyfriends and ex-lovers to one another when they had joined our services. It’s clear they had some compatibility before things went in the wrong direction. It’s a small world. Lol
Dating can be an emotional time. How should a persona handle the stress of dating?
It’s so important to have and maintain a positive attitude when it comes to dating. It’s always best to remember that searching for love is a process. When you set high expectations for yourself, you may also be setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s not that you can’t be hopeful, but it’s important not to let the rejections that go along with dating, set the mood for your whole day. Expect it to be a bumpy ride. It may feel like a roller coaster full of highs and lows. When you’re experiencing frustration, STOP your thoughts and remove yourself from the activity causing you these negative feelings. Take a breath. Take a break.
If you’re taking a mental break to simply focus on the END GOAL which is to meet your perfect partner, acknowledge that failures are simply part of the process. My clients call me when they’re feeling overwhelmed or generally down about dating. It’s a good idea to have a support person or supportive friends you can call when you’re discouraged. It’s normal to get stressed and it’s important to manage it by consciously tuning out the negative Nelly or negative Ned in your head. Positive affirmations can help a lot and believing you are deserving of love and will find your partner in the right time.
Let’s talk social networking and dating. Some millennials use it to find a match. However, social networks are not created for dating. There aren’t any checks and balances. What do you recommend to anyone considering dating using social networks?
If you’re considering using social networks as a dating tool the best advice I can give you is to use common sense when trying to assess someone’s profile and avoid making assumptions about a person. Secondly, if you’re looking to meet someone or be discovered by someone on your social networks, be sure you’re comfortable with what you’re putting out there. For example, if you’re a single guy wanting to meet a single girl interested in a long-term relationship, it’s probably a good time to remove all the photos of you partying with loads of women and lots of booze in your photos with the caption “Turnt with these bad B*tches.”
Let’s talk safety. How can someone ensure they have a great but safe a date. After all, it is a stranger they’re meeting.
It’s advisable never to share detailed personal information with someone you haven’t met in person. When you’re meeting for a first date, you would meet in a public place and never at your home. You should let at least notify one person and let them know you are going on a date and where your date will be. Consider them your virtual dating emergency contact. Nowadays, location sharing is also available to chosen family and friends. You can let your date know you’ll be meeting someone after their date so they know you are expected somewhere else afterwards. It’s also best to limit your alcohol consumption and keep an eye on your drinks at all times. Never leave your purse, phone or wallet unattended. Dating should be fun and you should always be mindful of safety.
We love how you also teach how to keep the one you love. Dating is only part of the courtship. A couple must maintain it, too. What are your tips for keeping the home fires ignited?
The first consideration to keeping romance and love alive is to be with someone whom you’re compatible with. Often times, couples who are not truly a great match, struggle to keep the home fires ignited. Having said that, couples must treat their relationship as a priority and schedule time for one another. Date night is a must. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, as a couple you communicate your needs inside the relationship. A great resource I refer to is learning your partner’s “Love Language” (by Gary Chapman) and learning how to speak their language. Some people require a lot of “Physical Touch” or showing “Acts of Service” as an expression of love, where someone else might require “Words of Affirmation.” Whatever your partner needs and wants is what you focus on in order to keep the sparks alive. Open communication is key and not blaming one another when things get a little rocky.
What should we expect in season three?
Season three of Mom vs Matchmaker will be a lot fiercer battles between Moms and Matchmaker. I anticipate moms who are “know-it-alls” and moms who have now watched previous episodes of MVM to get a better idea of where to find matches for their kids. I expect to see more highly selective Millennials as well. Some who are crystal clear on what they want, while others who haven’t got a clue and will need a lot of coaching. Season three will bring a level of cockiness, confidence, and surprises for Team Mom and Team Matchmaker. I’ve already met three pairs of moms and kids and it’s going to be one HOT and super funny season coming up!
Is there anything you would like to add that we haven’t covered?
I was invited to the match.com Headquarters in Dallas for the #MatchSummit where I had the opportunity to meet with key executives of the Match team along with 14 other top dating experts. I spent time with their chief science officer Dr.Helen Fisher and match.com CEO Mandy Ginsberg. It’s great to see all the new dating developments at Match and the Match affinity dating sites like OurTime, Tinder and Plenty of Fish. I’ll be hosting a special Webinar around the holiday season to help singles 50+ looking for love online and offline, that I’m thrilled to share with online daters.
You can watch Mom vs Matchmaker on Myx TV and online at MyxTV.com